Birthday Blues Part 2

So I always try to do nice things for my friends, especially on their birthdays. Two days ago was one of my best friend’s birthday and I took her out for breakfast.
Today was my birthday and I didn’t see a single one of my friends.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m only people’s friend when it is convenient for them.

Birthday Blues

Today is my 18th birthday, so I should feel happy, right?

I just feel depressed. I feel like this a lot actually.

I get paranoid and think that I have no friends. That they all hate me and find me annoying. 

Sometimes I even think that everyone would just be happy if I were to run away, disappear, or die. I have had these thoughts for awhile now.

A couple of weeks ago, I was home alone and l was standing there with a bunch of pills resting in my hand. I remember thinking that it would be easy to just swallow them all and the pain would go away. I didn’t take the pills, I put them all away. But the fact that I even thought those things scare me.